I feel a bit lost today. A bit empty. I’ve just nipped out to get some lunch on my dinner at work and I don’t even want to get out of the car, I feel like I can’t face the world today. I’m quite happy holed up in my office.
The reason. It’s the start of the school term and it’s photographs galore on Facebook of all this new kiddies starting school. Which is absolutely lovely of course and I completely understand why parents want to share these images of their children, it’s a proud moment in your child’s life. But it’s really hard when you have an Angel Child that’s never going to get to experience that.
Oh I’m crying now, I can’t see the screen.
(Tissues used, eyes wiped, tears cleared)
I genuinely would love to sit and scroll through the, I am sure what are extremely lovely, photos of children in their brand new spanking clean uniforms. But I can’t.
Everytime I accidentally see one, I close Facebook down – in fact, I think for the next few days the best thing to do is avoid my personal page altogether.
It’s particularly hard this year as Millie should be moving into Pre-School and she’d have her first little experience of some type of uniform and more routine to her life – but she isn’t and she won’t.
And that makes me cry.
It makes me cry a lot.
I dread to think what I’m going to be like next year when she would have been starting primary school if I feel like this, this year. It’s one of those days that you never want to happen.
I don’t even have any photographs for this post today, there’s nothing I can think of that would be appropriate.
I know some people will find this a selfish post, “she shouldn’t be saying that, it’s not fair on children who are going to school” etc etc. I know that’s what some of you will be thinking … But the thing is, is that it needs to be said. People in general need to gain an understanding of how Angel Parents feel and at which points in their lives they are gonna have that little bit of a harder day than usual … This is one of those times.
And in a few years time when Leo starts school, I will be there posting his photos, showing you guys how proud we are but I also know that someone, somewhere will see my photos of Leo and they will be upset because unfortunately this will be a point in their life where they need to cry and get angry at the world for the same reasons as why I feel lost and empty today.
It’s Thursday today. I very rarely do this, but I am going to hold back on publishing this blog until the weekend because I want all those people experiencing their first taste of letting a child go to school really enjoy it and I don’t want this post to put a downer on that – so I’m going to publish this on Sunday instead. ( I apologise if your child/ren haven’t gone back to school yet).
But please do me a favour, if you’ve got an Angel Parent as a friend and this is possibly a time when they may be struggling, drop them a text, just say hi and tell them that you are thinking of them, I promise you that they will appreciate it.
You can follow Joanne on Twitter @joannet1985