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Start of a New Year 

January is here again , Millie’s birthday month ( next Tuesday,12th) – it’s always hard this month in the run up to her birthday, l know how jittery I am already about it; especially now we’ve just had Christmas and that was so emotional for us after not doing it since we lost Millie.

I’m looking forward to Leo’s 1st birthday in Feb because I feel like we’ll get a bit of an “emotional break”  for a good 6 months; normally a bit longer than that but this year we have the add on of Leo’s birthday on this end of the year and the period when Millie should be starting school – that’s how it is now for us, everything is guided around dates; believe me it’s not good for you mentally but I think to an extent most people are programmed like that to remember dates and times that are important to you whether you like it or not. Obviously Leo’s 1st birthday and when Millie should be starting school are 2 very big events for us and it’s gonna be sad. Of course, it’s not a complete “emotional break” – it’s just a period of feeling like a little bit of the weight has been lifted as we arent counting down to anything until the Autumn period again.

We’re unsure of what to do for Leo’s birthday yet (please feel free to throw some ideas our way), we want it to be special of course because we never got there with Millie, it’s another huge milestone for our little family again, one that I am sure will be recorded with many photographs.

Looking forward to having the weight lifted a little from us though over the summer months.

So, now we’ve all got Christmas and New Year over, let’s talk about Easter 😀😀😀 nah, I’m only kidding, I’ve just been highly amused yesterday evening when I paid a visit to our local supermarket and saw rows of Easter Eggs …. Seriously?? Lol

Easter next to discounted Christmas crackers, always makes me laugh.

So, most of you know that Leo doesn’t and won’t be going to nursery after what happened to Millie because it will just never be right for us. We are determined that Leo will go to some kind of pre-school further down the line as we don’t want to go from having him with us 24/7 to full time school – we know it won’t be good for us mentally. We are also more inclined to think that we will be able to do something like this because we have had help dealing with things like this from our friends Alison and Carl in New Zealand ( hi you two) … because unfortunately they have been through the same horrendous situation that we have too, they lost their gorgeous son Kory when he choked at nursery too; but their youngest son Charlie has now started to be away from his parents in a situation like this and I think, if they can do it, so we can we… we look up to them so much and gain so much from their experiences. It’s absolutely awful the way in which our families met, but they have been amazing for us.

So, I decided that I wanted to attend some kind of group where Leo could interact with other babies to improve his social skills, he’s fabulous around older children/ people but rarely gets the chance to interact with kiddies of his own age… And also because I need to get over my fears of Leo picking things up, putting them into his mouth and generally being more of an explorer … So I booked into a class, called Messy Monkeys … And this happened 😀


Then this …


And then this … 😀


It was absolutely fabulous.

I flinched everytime he picked up some dry rice.

I froze every time he put a paintbrush in his his mouth with paint on.

I felt faint when he picked up a cork and started to chew.

Sometimes, to strangers I must come across as rude, ignorant or disinterested when they are talking to me and I am watching Leo and they don’t know what happened us, I know full well that I zone completely out and tunnel vision Leo … but i promise, I am lovely really.

And the class, Leo loved it.

Leo loved it. Millie would have loved it too.

And that is what it is all about … Leo experiencing things that Millie would have done too.

I can’t stop him exploring and being adventurous and I wouldn’t want to.

So, anyway back to this class.

Leo was covered in paint and so was I. He had rice stuck to his legs and sticky glitter in his hair and he absolutely loved it and we can’t wait to go back next week. One of the best things about today’s class though, NO CLEANING UP! Leo had all this amazing fun and the lovely Messy Monkey girls did all the cleaning up afterwards! How fabulous is that! Leo also made and brought home his first piece of artwork – a 2016 calendar with his hand and footprint on (I know that it’s his hand and footprint anyway !) 😀

Leo and all the other babies even got to have their own little baths at the end in little red tubs with bubbles! What a wonderful end to the session.

I’d recommend this class to anyone if they are in your area! It’s great fun X

I wonder what other adventures we can get up to together?

——-

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Millie & Leo’s grandma is hosting a raffle around Millie’s Birthday (next week) in the school she works in. If you are a business and can donate a product or voucher to this event please do get in touch by emailing info@milliestrust.com or PM us on Facebook or Twitter. Beauty Vouchers, restaurant vouchers, actual products from businesses would be very welcome. Thanks Peeps

 

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Never Ending Cycle of Life

There are so many special events throughout a lifetime for your children, the day they begin to talk, when they start school, move to high school, graduate university, get engaged, get married, have children; the list is literally endless but for Millie, she was never even given the chance to get started.

I am so proud of my little baby girl, I am so proud that she came into my life and I got to see her smile, I got to hear her laugh, I got to see her wiggle her little bum when she was dancing. I am so proud of everything that she was and I hate saying that as I want to still be saying that I am so proud of everything that she is, but I can’t because she is gone.

I am genuinely sat here in tears whilst I am writing this because as I am writing, I am flicking through video footage of Millie and once again I can her laugh, I can see her gorgeous smile appearing and I am watching her little bum wiggle and I miss every tiny cell of her body, it tears me apart that Dan and I created this amazing little human being and she was ripped from us in an instant and we never even got a chance to say goodbye.

Led in front of me right now, is our newest little addition, little Leo and he is fast asleep and I can hear him breathing and every breath I hear come from him is a treasure to me, only a parent who has lost a child will understand that. I want all the things for Leo that I wanted for Millie, that has not changed, what has changed is how I think. I try not to imagine Leo growing up and experiencing all these things that Millie missed out on because , for my own sanity, I have to concentrate on one day at a time and cherish whatever Leo is doing on each and every separate day.

For 2 years, Dan and I haven’t done birthdays or Christmas, we couldn’t face it. I couldn’t face going out and looking for presents for my family and friends, especially the children. The pull from my heart to my eyes strengthened so much if I even thought about trying to shop for child; my heart made my thoughts turn into tears. This wasn’t just for the younger children, this was for the older ones too – I couldn’t face looking at things that I was never going to be able to buy for my daughter, toys that I would never be able to see my daughter play with or clothes that she could never wear.

This year though, we are attempting it, for Leo’s sake – to ensure his normality of life is there as he grows up. We seem to be doing ok so far. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t easy, I still cry, I still come home with headaches because I have tried to buy someone something and it has stressed me out so much because my head has been in a totally different place. This week it has been a set of twin relatives eighteenth birthday , two absolutely gorgeous, articulate and intelligent girls and we went to their 18th birthday party. Looking at them hurts, it hurts that I will never ever see my little girl turn into this beautiful woman who is so excited for her 18th birthday party, a party that I can never throw for her. It hurts that I can’t see her get excited about passing her driving test or take her to look around universities (that’s if she wanted to go), see that’s the thing , I will never know if she wanted to go into further academia, she might have just wanted to throw a rucksack on an go travelling and to be honest , she could have done exactly as she had pleased and I wouldn’t have tried to stop her, because all I wanted for her was to be happy and enjoy her life.

Then it comes to the dad’s to look so proud – hearing their dad talk about them with so much pride in his voice , so ecstatic that his daughter’s have grown up to be polite, stunning and amazing human beings. You don’t know how much that hurts me as a mum, it hurts me because I know it hurts Millie’s daddy, I can see the pain in his eyes when he sees things like this, I know that his heart is breaking and all he wants to do is stand there and cry, just like I do. I detest the fact that I cannot do anything to ease my husband’s broken heart, to stop him feeling this excruciating pain. We have sadly learnt how to keep our poker face on now in the moment, the tears stay put until we get home. Mine came in the shower later.

Just over 12 months ago, one of my truly best friend’s got married, I’ve known her for close to 20 years and when I have needed her, she has been there supporting me every step of the way. At her wedding I was one of her bridesmaids and I was genuinely honoured to have been asked by her, as (I don’t actually know if she knows this) I have never been a bridesmaid before. When she asked me, of course I said yes, there was nothing to even think about. Later that night, I cried, I cried so many tears because I knew that my daughter would have taken my place if she was still here, I know she would have been a little flower girl/bridesmaid tottering down the aisle, stealing my place of a bridesmaid from me, but that would have been OK, she would have been entitled to steal it from me and I would gladly have let her. It was me though as a bridesmaid that day, it was I that was the bridesmaid because my little girl had left us way before her time, before her mummy. It hurt that day, it really did.

HB Wedding Me as a bridesmaid with Dan, (the eyes say more than the smile here)

But back to proud dads. My friend kept completely to tradition that day and kept her dad away until she was ready, until she was ready to show him what a beautiful bride she was (she really was).

He walked through the door; the look on his face when he looked at her, the look that he couldn’t believe that this stunning bride was his daughter, his little girl – that it probably didn’t feel like two minutes ago that he was teaching her to read, to ride a bike and to tie her shoelaces. But here she was, all grown up, ready to create this whole little new family and become someone’s wife.  It’s really funny because this was such a lovely moment, it really was and I will never forget that split second look on his face as he beamed his “proud dad” smile for the first time at seeing his daughter in her wedding dress. The reason it’s funny? Because this was like a dagger to my heart for Dan, it didn’t affect me as much when the mother of the bride was in the room, it was the dad. All I could think about was how Dan was never ever going to get this moment with his precious daughter, how he was never ever going to do that “proud dad” smile as he saw his daughter in her wedding dress for the first time. It hurts me more when I know Dan is suffering because we lost Millie. I blame myself, I know I shouldn’t because it wasn’t my fault but your head does crazy things to you, my head makes me think, well if Dan had never met me or married me then he would never have had to go through this pain. I know, it’s stupid because we could never in our wildest nightmares have predicted what happened to Millie but it doesn’t stop your brain thinking it.

The closest we ever got to seeing Millie in anything remotely similar to a wedding dress was at her christening and I am so glad that her great-granny bought her this amazing gown, she looked absolutely gorgeous in it, I am sure that you will agree.

SAM_1618

I know that this is going to be a never ending cycle, there will always be something that will be coming up that Millie should be involved in or that Millie should be doing. People like to say that “it must get easier” – for your information it doesn’t get easier in the slightest, you just learn to live with it. The pain is still exactly the same, the same as what is was on 23rd October 2012, just after 1pm when I found out Millie had passed but there are tricks that you learn, tricks that you learn to use to in front of other people and to be honest, a lot of the time, the tricks are to benefit you, not us …..

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Finally … I went to Tesco …..

Today I did something that I thought was impossible …
I went to TESCO Handforth Dean … Some of you may not understand why this is a a landmark day for me doing this …many of you will understand … 27 months I have avoided this place and I knew I would get there … Eventually and on the right day for me. Today was that day
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’ll be spending 2 hours doing my weekly shop anytime soon … But I was in there for about 15 minutes and guess what, I didn’t spontaneously combust, grow horns on my head or fall into a heap on the floor… I was jittery, I was sweating, i had to stop myself from crying … I will apologise now to anyone that I may have seen in there that wanted to speak to me as I was in auto mode , wanting to get what I needed and get out of there … Gripping the pram ( yes I took Leo with me ) probably tighter than I should’ve been and picked up what I needed , sun cream and a hat for Leo, a magazine for me and a couple of other bits – I did contemplate rewarding myself with a Krispy Kreme … But in my head it would’ve taken too long to pick one and put it in a packet – so I chickened out of that
So there it is 27 months from one of the biggest panic attacks I had after losing Millie, many many many sessions and amazing help from my Psychologist, lots of mindfulness , thousands of tears, tons of anger at myself for feeling an absolute idiot for not being able to step foot in my local superstore or even drive past at one stage … I did it … One of my biggest fears …

I must admit, I came out and got in my car and absolutely cried my eyes out, a mixture of grief and relief I think and all I wanted to do was come home.

There you have it. Mental health problems don’t have to keep your down or hold your back, work hard , focus on the now and it will get better x

To do what seems the impossible is always possible , at the right time x

Joanne xxx

A little one on the way x 

Some of you know that I’ve been quite ill recently, I think this photo should explain it to you all, I don’t think it needs many words… 

Yep, another Baby Thompson is on the way … a little brother or sister for Millie and Leo xxx

Of course, following my miscarriage last November , we are very happy that I’m pregnant again but it’s been a rough first few months both physically and mentally but we can’t meet to wait our new Rainbow later this year.

I will be blogging throughout this pregnancy about pregnancy after loss, how I get on with this pregnancy in general and of course pregnancy with a toddler in tow! Follow my blog on Facebook to see my most recent ramblings first. Click here to follow 

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xxx

Read all about why I write this blog here

Without a Child – Mother’s Day 

In a perfect world this 2017 Mother’s Day, I would have my 5 year old daughter Millie running into our bedroom with a plate of toast that daddy made & a handmade card that she’d made at school with some flowers that she’d picked with her daddy; my crazy little whirlwind 2 year old son bringing me in whatever he came across as he ran from his bedroom to give me a kiss and I’d also be extremely tired after having a restless night because I’d be 6 months pregnant.

That’s how it should be, in a perfect world. But it’s not. And actually, not many people live in a perfect reality but many of us struggle to see that. 

In my reality. My lovely little whirlwind son will come bounding into our bedroom with a million books just as he does every morning and he’ll give me a big sloppy morning kiss and jump into bed with us. 

Later that morning, we’ll pay a visit to our daughter’s sleeping place and instead of her giving me flowers, I will give them to her and lay them on her resting place to keep it looking beautiful; this I find extremely hard on Mother’s Day but I still do it. 

The cemetery is always busy on Mother’s Day but with people laying flowers on their mother’s resting places – the way it should be. The reason we are visiting the cemetery places us in a minority group on this day, a group that we would give anything not to be in.

I won’t be tired because of a restless night being 6 months pregnant either because I sadly miscarried just before 12 weeks in November 2016. To read more about this click here 

We won’t go out for a meal or go somewhere fun like many families because four years after losing Millie and even after having Leo, I still struggle seeing families so happy on these certain days and I spend all day crying. Daft, I know – especially because many of these families probably have their own sad stories. I find it hard still being around families on these days that have these lovely big families – because we should be a noisy family of 4 (nearly 5) and we aren’t – our card has been dealt much differently through no fault of our own.  I’m not jealous, or angry – it just hurts, so much. 


I know that things will be different in a few years, especially when Leo is at school and he’ll make me things for these special days & he’ll come running out of school with for them, so proud of what he has made. He’ll suddenly one year be old enough to bring me breakfast in bed without daddy’s help & even pick his own card for me and choose where we should spend Mother’s Day together – I can’t wait for this; because it will make Leo happy and in turn it will make me smile and enjoy the day more. I genuinely am looking forward to this. 

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This year is my 5th Mother’s Day without Millie and my 3rd one with Leo. If you do the sums you will realise that I had 2 Mother’s Days being a mum but without a child in my arms. They were the hardest; being a mum but not feeling like one. 


This day is tough for so many who are thinking about their own lives right now and how different they would be if their children had survived, their pregnancy had continued or their infertility hadn’t stopped their dreams. 

Women who have lost children.

Women who can’t have children for medical reasons.

Women who have suffered pregnancy loss.

Women who want nothing more than to be a mum but it’s just not happening for them. 

A mother should never have to experience a Mother’s Day without their child, they should not have to wake up on this day feeling even less of a mother than they already do. I can say that from my heart because that’s honestly how I felt the first Mother’s Day after losing Millie and part of me still feels like that today even after having my gorgeous boy. A part of my being a mum will always be missing, no matter how hard I try. 

Mother’s Day is so commercialised that it is everywhere and you cannot avoid it even if you want to and for many that is tough. 

Think about those close to you this weekend that might be struggling a little not having a child with them for whatever reason that may be and drop them a quick text letting them know that you are thinking of them. 

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Choking Hazards for children 

I keep seeing all these various posts flying around Facebook at the moment about not letting your children eat certain foods because another child has choked on them and they are suddenly now deemed a complete danger to children.

Now, as a policy. On the Millie’s Trust page, we refuse to share anything that has not been officially recalled because if one of these posts just happened not to be true, it could potentially ruin the business of whatever product it was.

So, after seeing a few of these flying around social media this week, I decided to do a little experiment whilst I was doing my weekly shop today (much to Leo’s dismay having to spend 15 minutes back and forth on the sweet aisle). 

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I wanted to have a look at what confectionary products actually came with a choking warning on them because as you all know, certain sweets etc can be a certain type and shape and this may cause an obstruction much more easily. 

So my experiment went like this.

I picked up random sweets on the aisle that I considered to be a choking hazard to a child under the age of 3.

I’m sad to say that in those 15 minutes, I only actually found 4 items that had a hazardous notice on the back of them. Here is a photo below .. I haven’t used the brand names on here as it’s not fair on the manufacturers, some of them could be own supermarket brands and some of them could be nationally well known brands. 


Here are some of the hazard warnings and honestly, it really impressed me that the manufacturers had decided to put these warnings on.

Did you know that the small chocolate eggs had a warning for children under the age of 4? 


There is a reason for these warnings. It is to stop adults giving them to children when they are small. Be it because the actual sweet could cause a full blockage or the toy parts with the chocolate could be a choking hazard (see photo below)


The fact is, is that the manufacturer has put a warning on these products but I still see children under these ages time and time again being given these products, having their lives put at risk by the person who has given it to them because there is a clear warning on the packaging and they have chosen to ignore it. 

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Why? Why on earth would you give in and give a 2 year old a chocolate egg not meant for children under the age of 4.

I was actually shocked that I couldn’t find a marshmallow packet or a hard boiled sweet packet with a choking hazard warning on them – because these products due to the consistency and/or shape are up there on the high risk, just like grapes and sausages that haven’t been cut in the correct way before being given to children.

Then we have the other extreme though, check out the photo below, how many of these products have you happily given your 1 year old child? Don’t worry, it’s fine to do so. So don’t feel guilty when you look at the photo…


My point is, is that everything is a choking hazard to children. Just remember, our daughter choked on mash and passed away and she was an extremely competent eater. We were utterly shocked when we were told it was mash (I can’t stand writing/saying/hearing this word) that Millie had choked on as we had originally been told she had been eating Shepherd’s Pie, we were expecting to be told that she had choked on a piece of meat, but no, it was the mash from the meal. 

Grapes, sausages, toast, fruit, bacon etc etc etc 

A lot of the time, it’s not about the product. It’s about the preparation of the food, it’s about you spending the time to sit with your child and be there with them whilst they eat their meal. 

  • The emails can wait
  • The phone calls can wait 
  • The hoovering can wait
  • The doorbell can wait
  • The texts can wait 

Focus on your child. It is THAT SIMPLE.

  • Prepare food correctly
  • Cut it to the correct size
  • Cut it in the correct manner

Two of my biggest gripes. Now, some of you are going to hate me for saying this, some of you are going to be sat there saying “What is she going on about? I do that!” Maybe you won’t after reading a little further … my gripes are 

  • Giving children food in a forward facing pushchair 
  • Giving children food in the back of a car when there is no adult in the back seat with them. 

Think about this for a second. 

If your child went quiet in pushchair after eating some fruit for example, that you had given them, would your first thought be “they’re choking” … I am pretty confident that most of you would just think that they had fallen asleep… by the time you realise, it’s too late. 

And all because you wanted to keep them quiet for 5 minutes and food would be a distraction. 

When someone is choking and silent – it’s a full blockage, the worst kind. They need help. NOW.

Just as a side note here, Leo had a tantrum whilst in the supermarket today because I wouldn’t let him eat a cake whilst pushing him in the trolley. He literally screamed blue murder for 3 or 4 aisles in the supermarket, maybe less than 10 mins … did it bother me? No. Why? Because I wasn’t going to give in and let him eat something whilst I was distracted shopping. He could wait. He eventually got bored of screaming and started to point everything out in the supermarket. I could see the sympathy from other parents about my screaming child, which was great! These parents had all been there with a screaming child, it’s fine. It will be over soon, don’t give in. I didn’t, he didn’t get the cake. He got it, when we got home for after his dinner. 

Now let’s use the exact same theory in a car;

How long would it take you to pull over on the hard shoulder in moving traffic once you realise that your child was choking? Probably longer than the time needed for the damage already to be done. 

Many people are surprised to hear that Dan and I think like this after losing Millie. The fact is, is that anyone can choke on anything.

Preparation is key.

Take the time out not to rush food.

Learn what to do if the worst was to happen.

I hope that many of you reading this will now consider reading the back of food products before you give them to your small children. There’s nothing stopping you giving them to them but consider cutting them up, just like you would a grape. Consider whether the consistency of the product (particularly sticky) is appropriate for the age of your child. Consider the toy product that might come in a gift set with an Easter Egg.

It’s about thinking. It’s about common sense. It’s about prioritising.

To have a look for a family first aid course in your area, click here to visit Millie’s Trust, click here . If you can’t find one in your area, click here to let us know where you would like Millie’s Trust to visit.

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Thou must teach, but not laugh.

Leo has become such a character recently and trying to teach him right from wrong, I am actually finding quite hilarious. 

Of course, I want our boy to be well behaved, have manners and know what no means and what the repercussions of ignoring us or throwing a toy across the room when he is angry at us are (for one of a million toddler reasons) 😂. 

In the past week, we have taken the bars off Leo’s cot, so he’s now just in the bed part of the cotbed. To be honest, he’s been ready for it since we moved in December but we were decorating his bedroom, so it was far safer to keep him behind bars. 

We bought the obligatory bed guards but thought we would try him without and he’s actually doing that well that we have taken them back – the cot bed is extremely low to the floor and touchwood, he hasn’t fell out yet. He’s not much of a sleep wriggler any more now, like he used to be. 

So, he’s doing really well in the evening, in fact a lot better than we first imagined after all the horror stories we had heard, but Leo is keeping to his 12 hour sleeps with no get ups, like we haven’t changed anything (I apologise now to all the parents reading this cursing us that our child is a great sleeper)

His afternoon naps, well – he’s always been funny with me with them. Daddy has a knack of getting Leo to sleep when it’s a daddy day, but mummy- most days, not a chance. I don’t mind though, I love the extra cuddles and I certainly don’t mind if he sleeps all night anyway. 

I did try one day this week though and it’s resulted in this hilarious video, I’m pretty sure that this was about the 37th time he dove head first into the bed when he heard me coming. I gave up because I couldn’t stop giggling.

How do you tell a toddler off that makes you laugh so much? Seriously though, I will work on it! 

We don’t go to a lot of classes to be honest as I love spending time on my own with Leo but he has been going to Messy Monkeys for over a year now because he loves it and I chose it because I needed something to help me get over my anxieties of Leo picking things up and putting them in his mouth or chewing on them. Jo, the lady who runs this class has been fabulous for me and she really helped me out when she knew I was anxious about certain things. 

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Messy Monkeys was really fun this week, it made me laugh because a year ago today, we did the pancake class and Leo carried a lemon around the whole class, this time he brought his own little football and carried that around. Little big man has grown so much in the last year, the photo below is him this week playing with the amazing purple sand and the one below that shows the lemons last year. He also managed to drench lots of the mums this morning by stamping in the tubs of water and if any of the mums are reading this – I’m glad he made you laugh! (Don’t worry the mums and dad who’s go to this class expect to leave a little messy and/or wet) 



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If you have a place in the Manchester 10k or Half Marathon in May, or are thinking of doing it –  please think about choosing to run it for Millie’s Trust. We also have a couple of half marathon places left if you would like to run it for us. Drop us a message here if you’ve already got a place or would like one x 

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I’d just like to say a huge thank you to MUMSNET this week who have featured #Milliesmark as a guest campaign on their website this week – click here to view.

To read Millie Does It Again, click here   


 

Millie does it again. 

Dan and I receive a lot of messages on a daily basis and we genuinely do try and respond to anything that is directed personally to us … this message that we received recently had me crying on my sofa at home when I read it. 

Our little girl Millie, (in the pic below,  really is an angel saving lives) 


Messages like this really hit us hard and truly emphasise the original reasons why we set up Millie’s Trust after we lost our precious daughter. 

I don’t have much more to say because I think this mum’s message from Dublin says it all…

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 💕💕💕 This little girl also turned one yesterday … something our daughter never got to do 💕💕💕 

(Message is from early December) 

“This is long…. please bare with me.

I did a Millie’s Trust Paediatric First Aid course on 21st Nov 2016

Last night, was the worst of my life. But thanks to Millie’s Trust Paediatric First Aid, My night had a happy ending. My 10 month old baby girl, my princess, my world. Stopped breathing after choking on her food. She’s been unwell with a croup for a few days now and a little off her food. The only thing she’s been eating is sloppy breakfast cereal. In the middle of her tea last night she coughed. I saw the food come up in her mouth and braced myself for the reflux of food coming my way (as she has done a few times over the last few days) But that didn’t happen. I wish it did. I saw the food almost vacuum back into her mouth. I expected her to swallow, but she didn’t. He mouth stayed open and she started to gag. I though she was going to be sick. But she didn’t. There was nothing. It was like a silent movie in slow motion. Nothing happened, then she started to go blue. I lifted her from her high chair and put her down my knee with her head in my hand and started smacking her back. Nothing. I turned her over and thrust her sternum (sp?) Once. And once was what it took. Up came the food and she started to vomit. She was gasping for air and coughing. Every cough seemed to make it worse and she couldn’t catch her breath. I called 999 for help, i didnt know if it was all up or uf she needed more help. God love the poor responder who couldn’t get my address because of my acccent and the crying coming from me. Katie laid in my arms for a while whilst the responder monitored her breaths with me. Making sure the blockage was all gone. The fire brigade and paramedics arrived and took her from my arms and gave her the once over while I fell apart crying. The rest was a bit calmer while they checked her airways and made sure she was OK. (She’s was wheezy, but calm. A bit too calm, I wanted her to be kicking and screaming, but she just seemed still) they took her to the hospital to check her over, xrays and observations regularly, to make sure nothing had aspirated into her lungs, and make sure that I hadn’t trapped any air there with my check compression. Thankfully at 1am they released us. She is non the wiser from her ordeal. Mummy & Daddy are wrecks.  But we’re thankful for the knowledge I was given, and pray to God that I never have to use it again. Dr said I saved her life. But I don’t feel good. I just feel sick. I feel completely sick. I urge anyone, with a child / baby of any age. Get a Paediatric First Aid course. Today, tomorrow. Asap. You never know when you or someone you love might need it. I know I sound like an advert. But I don’t even want to think about “what if” 

Please all hug your children a little tighter as I will be doing!! “

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@MILLIELEOSMUM

This was the original review following this lady taking part in our course in Dublin in November.

“Completed a paediatric First Aid course today with Millie’s Trust It was a very detailed course with plenty of explanation, not only on the how, but ‘why’ the First Aid is done the way it is. We were a small group, but that made it more informal and we could relax and enjoy the experience. I hope I never have to use it, but it’s good to know that I have it under my belt with the knowledge that I could help someone. Dan & Joanne are Hero’s. To go through what they have and still have the power to motivate others to educate, they will change the world. And probably saving hundreds of people/children in the process. Will be buying my 1st aid box as it made me realise today how little I have stocked. “

To donate to Millie’s Trust, click here 


To buy our first aid kit, click here 

We would also like to say a huge thank you to The Bridge 1859 in Dublin who donated the venue for this course … without their generous donation of a room this lady might not have been able to attend a course at the time she did and the outcome could have been much different. 

If you are a business who could donate a room for the day to allow Millie’s Trust to run a course at your venue, please get in touch 

To read a previous blog, click here 

READ MORE ABOUT MILLIE’S MARK

Why apply for Millie’s Mark…

Our daughter Millie’s legacy is an amazing thing and we are so proud of Millie’s Mark and what it means to parents. 

We are very thankful to every single person that signed our petition and played a part in making this happen. 

Now is the time to ask YOUR NURSERY to apply.
Today has been the first official panel for Millie’s Mark (after the first 10 awarded in the pilot scheme) and we will soon be able to announce the first nurseries of 2017 that have been awarded. Exciting times 

To hear about why the nursery or pre school that your children go to or that you work in should apply for Millie’s Mark, click here 


To apply for the mark, click here 


Happy 5th Birthday Millie x 

Text MILL05 £3 to 70070 to support Millie’s Trust on her 5th Birthday xxx


There’s no birthday bouncing on our bed,

Or precious kisses for your head,

No gorgeous smiles or happy laughter, 

Or sausage rolls and cake for after.

I’d love to get to see your smile,

And watch you laugh for just a while.

I’d love to have a fleeting moment,

To think of you and not feel broken. 

Five today, that’s what you’d be,

We’ll celebrate one day, you wait and see.

With bright balloons and and chocolate cake,

You’ll love it all, just you wait. 

Love Mummy xxx

Today is our darling daughter’s 5th Birthday, we’ve been down to her sleeping place and made it as beautiful as can be in this weather; lots of bright flowers and gorgeous balloons. We love these balloons and just a tip, the bubble type ones last ages outside even in the bad weather!

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Millie’s birthday is always one of the hardest days of the year for us and it’s the last day in a period of really rough months for us and we feel like a weight has been lifted for a few months. 

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Leo of course, has joined in with Millie’s birthday today and enjoyed playing with his own special balloon from Millie. 


Give your kiddies an extra special kiss tonight on what should be Millie’s birthday xxx

TEXT MILL05 £3 to 70070 to support Millie’s Trust on Millie’s birthday xxx

Millie’s wonderful balloons are from B for Balloons in Stockport – if you want one of the ones that last well outside, ask for a Bubble Balloon.


To read my previous blog, well done, click here 


Balloons by B for Balloons in Stockport – click here for their Facebook page 

Please note: I do not receive payment for any mentions, I only recommend on personal experience and Millie’s Trust merchandise.