All I want is mummy & daddy cuddles 

Being a parent is so hard isn’t it? The worst part for me though is when you cannot give anything more than cuddles when your baby is ill. Even though it’s all they probably want, you cannot help but want to do more.  

Leo doesn’t get ill very often, but when he does – he is very much like myself, doesn’t do it by halves and completely shuts down.

Leo seems to have had some kind of 24 hour illness and it’s been so sad for him. He wasn’t himself yesterday morning when I went to work and I came home early when Dan told me that he’d not eaten anything and he’d slept all morning (highly unusual because Leo hasn’t slept in the daytime for a good year unless he falls asleep in the car). 

When I came home all he wanted was cuddles and to fall asleep on us, he kept swapping from mummy to daddy. He wouldn’t eat anything or drink anything; not even his favourite smoothies and then he went and hid himself in the conservatory like this (see pic) ... poor boy just didn’t have the energy to move. 

Even though he had slept most of the day, when bedtime came at 7pm, he was already asleep on me and we had to move him upstairs – thinking he would take a while to settle, we were ready to lie with him for him for a while but instead within 5 minutes he was fast asleep. He was very uncomfortable and fidgety during the night when we checked on him as he was so warm but he then pretty much slept for 14 hours! He must’ve needed his sleep. 

Luckily when he woke up, the first thing he did was ask for a drink. I was so glad of this because he had dry lips and a completely dry nappy because he’d not had much the day before. Within a few minutes, he had drank a full cup and asked for breakfast. He has been much better today, still not quite 100% himself but more like his cheeky self. 

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By 3.30pm, he was asking for a cheese sarnie, I very rarely put photos of Leo up eating but I took this video of him and I wanted to share – refusal to share his food is a pretty good sign that he is on the mend.

He’s still been quite irritable today though, he hasn’t had much patience for anything – more so his toys! He has literally played with every toy that he could find in the living room today … last night the living room floor was pretty clear as he hadn’t played much … this was tonight’s effort – that still needs to be tidied up when I get the energy. (Dan is out working, if he was home everything would already be away nice and straight) 

Leo took until after he was 2 years old to have his first throwing up episode when he was ill and as many of you know I have issues when it comes to things like because how we lost Millie and I had been completely dreading it.I was absolutely petrified when it happened and I couldn’t stop checking on him, I led with him in bed watching him, I was getting up all that night to keep checking on him in his sleep – I truly can say that, that evening was one of my worst with paranoia since Leo was born and that is saying something because I’ve had huge anxiety issues when he was a tiny baby and around the age that we lost Millie. 

Luckily though this time, we haven’t had any of that and I think he’s nearly back on track… we’ll see what tomorrow brings xxx

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Keep getting asked for bump pics … I’ve never really been a big fan of taking them but here it is! Six month bump and feeling like an elephant 😂 …. all my “Normal clothes” have been packed away and I have very limited wardrobe at the minute 😀!  

Can’t paint my toes or put my shoes on (unless they are slip ons, haha) … ah well it will be over soon 👶🏻

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Kisses for big sister 

We all know a photo can speak a thousand words but there are some that just truly make me well up and cry. This is the newest one that makes my tears come within seconds. 

Leo often comes with us when we visit Millie, he comes to her sleeping place and he plays with the bubbles that we have down there, he often walks around with her dinosaur and he likes to water the flowers and plants. 

A few months ago, he started to pick up on something that Dan and I do and he’s now doing it all by himself when we visit and I think it’s amazing. 

Some people won’t. Some people will think it’s odd. Some people will think it isn’t right. Some people will love it and some people will smile when they see this photo … 

Leo kisses his big sister (and grandpa who sleeps by her side) goodbye and goodnight and says “bye bye” as he leaves. This makes me so proud, so proud that he has an understanding that mummy and daddy do it, so it must be a good thing. 

I’ve always wanted this to be a normality for him and it is genuinely becoming one. 

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He knows mummy & daddy chat to Millie here when they visit, he is learning that he isn’t to walk on any one else’s resting places, that he has to walk around them but he knows that he is allowed to sit right next to Millie and play with her teddies and toys but he isn’t allowed to touch anyone elses. 

It’s just how we wanted it and we hope that it continues. I hope as he grows up, it’s a place that he still likes to visit and I hope it becomes a place that he can visit on his own when he is older because he wants to and because he feels like he can talk to his big sister, even though he never got the chance to meet her. 

Oh bloody heck, I’m crying again now thinking about that.

I genuinely don’t care in the slightest what anyone thinks about how often we visit Millie, the time we spend down there or the fact that we’ve made it normal for Leo to make him feel comfortable at her sleeping place. 

Growing up, I’ve always visited cemeteries were people around me that we lost we’re buried. In fact, earlier this week – we also paid a visit to my grandma & grandad’s resting place and took them some flowers and Leo did the same things, watered the flowers and arranged them how he wanted, it genuinely is a lovely thing to see a young child doing and when he’s old enough to ask me questions, we are ready with an open heart to answer anything that he wants to know.

I’d love to know how you feel about children in particular visiting sleeping places of loved ones, it genuinely is an interesting topic for people to discuss, even if it is a taboo subject for some. xx

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