The schools are back again this week and so are all the first day at school, moving up a year, first day at secondary school etc photos on social
media and they are all so lovely and I genuinely do love seeing them but I only take a fleeting look as otherwise the tears will begin to fall.
Last year Millie should have started primary school. We know where she would have gone, we know she would have thrived there … except she never took her first step through the door.
I stupidly thought it wouldn’t hurt this year, it does though. It’s never going to go away. The what ifs, the lost school plays, the blank pages of her life. It’s so painful to handle.
And then I had the miscarriage. Am I going to feel the same when that baby should have started school, moved up a year, gone to college? I’m guessing so. The miscarriage wasn’t just something that goes away, we gave the baby a name that no one knows and I’ll carry it in my heart forever.
I know that we’ll be the proud parents when Leo starts school in a couple of years, it will be an utterly scary time for us – more so than other parents but we’ll do it and we’ll be posting the pictures just like every other parent. We’ll cry, I’ll be tortured not being with him all the time but he has to grow and become whatever and whoever he wants to become and we’re not going to put anything in the way to stop that.
Enjoy taking your photos and showing your precious treasures to the world, you should be so proud, you made those little people.
If you have a friend or acquaintance that you know has lost a baby, child, pregnancy and they should be overcoming a huge milestone like starting school this week, drop them a text, let them know that you’re thinking of them.
Even if they do seem strong on the outside, they’re not. Trust me xxx
To read my short blog from when Millie should’ve started school last year – click here