I cannot believe that Christmas is over for another year. Our tree is already down, I’m not a Scrooge, honestly, as soon as the day is over, I’m always ready to take it down.
The only part of the decorations that I do smile at is of course our special little star…
Christmas is still always really hard for us for obvious reasons but Leo was amazed by everything this year and that really helped us. He started to understand whom Father Christmas is and that he brought presents (although he didn’t understand the nice and naughty explanation that we kept giving him 😂). Leo also managed to leave Father Christmas his yearly Amaretto this year, he also got chocolate cake and a carrot for Rudolph!
Leo left him a special key to get in our house as we don’t have a chimney for him to come down. Do many people have chimneys for the big man himself to get down? < i>< i> Little man was a extremely excited when he woke up and opened his stocking in our bedroom and then he couldn’t wait to get downstairs. It was really hard watching him run in the living getting all excited as I was so happy watching him but so sad that we never got to see Millie get that excited, or for that matter, even experience her first Christmas.
I think it’s always going to be like that, it’s definitely different now we have Leo to watch and in the coming years, Asher too. (By the way, it’s seriously hard to shop for presents for a 9 week old baby – especially when they have a big brother who has everything to hand down to him 😒, I did feel a little guilty).
But Asher seemed to enjoy the day too …
We even managed to get a half decent photo of us all (thanks to a fancy new gadget that Dan and I got for Christmas) and of course it featured all 5 of us.
Asher’s leg is not on a funny angle by the way, it’s an optical illusion (zoom in). 😀
Leo was so excited and didn’t know which toy to play with next. He literally flitted from jigsaw to book to his new pencils all day and didn’t stop. One of the hardest things I find at Christmas is not being able to shop and buy for Millie’s presents, well not presents that she should be getting at her age, instead her presents are flowers and candles for her resting place. These aren’t presents for a 5 year old.
We decided to have beef this year as an alternative as neither Dan or myself actually like turkey and I don’t understand why we even feel pressured to eat it, it’s not like anyone is watching us 🙈! Anyway… the beef was AMAZING, it fell to pieces after leaving it in the slow cooker on high for 6 and a half hours cooling in Diet Coke, (I know, sounds odd – but honestly, give it a try) accompanied by the usual veg and some cracking Yorkshire Puddings (thanks Vikki for the recipe and method for these, best I’ve ever made!) This was All eaten with some lovely Slimming World Gravy that I made using Sweet Potatoes! Apart from the Yorkshire Puddings, it was all Syn Free 😀😀😀! If you want to follow my Slimming World journey that I’ve started, follow me here on Instagram.
Then there is the other side to what should be our happy times. Here is our alternative Christmas photograph, the one that no parent wants…
This is the sixth year that we’ve spent part of our day with our Millie at her sleeping place. We always make it look beautiful and appreciate everyone that visits our baby girl at this special time of the year. The lovely Jay at B for Balloons did Mills a special Father Christmas balloon that matched the one that Leo & Asher had at home. We duplicated a couple of other things too that we had at home, it makes us feel like we are together even more.
As you can see, over the past 6 Christmas Days, we have found certain ways to include and honour Millie as it’s what she deserves. I am sure that many others of you who have lost children do many similar things and every one is special and unique to you.
I’ve yet to find the best way for us to remember the baby that we miscarried last year on special days, I’ve not quite figured that one out yet. If you have sadly lost a pregnancy and you do special things on special days, let me know in the comments section and maybe I can get some ideas.
We truly hope that you have enjoyed your Christmas and our hearts are truly with those who have a similar empty chair to ours at Christmas xxx