Unphotographable baby smiles – v – Unforgettable baby smiles

What a deceiving title … 

      Baby smiles… The most gorgeous thing in the world … Millie and Leo have smiled around the same time in their development, from around 6 weeks. We have so many photos of our gorgeous little girlie smiling … and I love every single one of them … Leo up until now ( he is now 10 weeks ) has been   “unphotographable” ( I don’t actually know if that is actually a real word )  not because I haven’t wanted to take his photo and not because I can’t take his photo … Then why ??? It’s because every time he has smiled in the past 4 weeks, we have been so busy smiling back at our gorgeous little man Leo that we haven’t had time to pick a camera up before his smile has gone … Tonight he was smiling a lot and I managed to grab a camera in between his twenty odd smiles and take a few pics … So precious …

People used to laugh at me because I took so many photos of Millie but now I am so glad that I did as we have so many to look back on and every day I look back on an old-new photo, if that makes sense. I love to see my little girlie smile, I really miss that. 

Technology is such an amazing thing, to be able to capture those moments like smiles , first crawl, first walk … But sometimes you miss being in the moment because you are too busy grabbing for your phone or camera to record it all , to get on Facebook or Twitter or whatever other social media you just happen to use. It’s the same when we walk around , head in our phones reading texts or googling those song lyrics that we have forgotten the name of when we were doing the quiz on the TV.
We need to learn how to be in the moment again, like people were many years ago. We need to smell the trees again, feel the sand beneath our feet and watch our children playing through our own eyes, not through a technological device. 
This is why I love to go on holiday, because when I do, I really do go on holiday. No phone, no texts, no emails, no Facebook, no Twitter , just me and the people I love the most in our own little world. ❤️❤️❤️
It’s kind of a double edged sword isn’t it because on one hand you want to be in the moment and on the other you want to know that you have captured a moment forever.
The truth though, you can always capture the moment in your head, you don’t always need a camera. I can sit and close my eyes and an image of Millie will come to be me from something that has triggered that specific thought; a baby girl with a Lamaze dolly,  a new baby wrapped in the same blanket that Millie had or the smell of baby milk that will conjure an image of Millie so content falling asleep after her milk. Although I love to look at photos of my daughter, I really do, the memories in my own head that come back when I need them to come back with smells, with feelings, with sounds … A lot of the time, as hard as this is, it’s what I need. I need to feel her, to smell her, to hear her.  I find it bizarre that your brain can do this,  but it’s magical … The human mind is a simply amazing thing.
So it’s a tricky one isn’t it … I’d love to hear your thoughts on this one. 
Either way, whether it is a physical photograph or a memory that has come back to me, both my baby’s smiles – they are most gorgeous things in the world. 
( ooh and an update, unphotographable is a word – see definition below 😀 ) 
Jx
  

11 thoughts on “Unphotographable baby smiles – v – Unforgettable baby smiles

  1. Raynor lee

    I think you are so right! I love following you, I find it magical how you think and how you feel. You touching people’s lives and little angel Millie and gorgeous Leo are so lucky!

    All my love
    XxX

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  2. Helen

    Its true i feel the same way……My children are sometimes thousands of miles away at school in the Uk but when i miss them which is alway but the unbearable moments i can close my eyes and smell my baby girls lotion and perfume and see her in a snapshot ….the same with my boy its often a song or a whisper of someones aftershave. I never wash the sheets on their beds when they go back to school until they are about to come home ..that way i can lie on the bed and smell them……yup weird x

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  3. Becky Williams

    We recently lost a beautiful little boy (cousin) called Harry the same age as Millie to Meningitis at the end of February. It all happened so fast it’s hard to believe it’s the truth at times. It’s weird because we look at photos all day long, but seeing photos of Harry laughing and giggling (I think that’s all he ever did I never heard him whinge or cry much at all) puts me back in the room with him where he’s giggling at us all. I can’t even begin to imagine losing a child, but I know Louise and John Harry’s mummy and daddy, will treasure these photos for ever. Little pictures they did at nursery and his handprints are all over the house, and I think without these they would struggle so much. Reading what what you write about Millie and how you say how you genuinely feel, helps me understand so much. I feel like I understand Louise and Johns pain that little bit more, like the not wanting to go near any babies which they’re going through at the moment. Some people may think it’s crazy, but reading your blog and what you put on Facebook truly helps me understand it a little bit better. I really think you could write a book about this, being honest about the loss of a beautiful child. Because like you say no one talks about it, there isn’t even a word to describe a grieving mother and father and really that needs to change because it happens far too much. Often thinking that it wouldn’t ever happen to you, but then when it’s in your family it’s heartbreaking! You’re truly inspirational! Xxx

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    1. JMT Post author

      Hi,
      Thank you for your comments x I am so sorry to hear about Harry, please pass my love onto Louise & John. I am so glad that I can help you understand a little about what they are going through by reading what I write, that’s what I want because I know how much people didn’t understand what we were going through at all. If you have a look at another blog of mine, I actually talk about the issue grieving parents not have a name, https://samepersondifferentme.com/2015/05/03/the-unknown-doesnt-stay-the-unknown-for-long/

      I can totally relate to the not wanting to be around other children, I went through this for a long time, in fact it is only since I have had Leo recently that I have dealt with it a lot more. I still struggle a lot with babies the same as Millie when she past, little girls that are the same age as Millie should be now and children that are eating ( for obvious reasons ) and I don’t think these last little bits I mentioned will ever stop hurting at any point in my life. At my worst I was having panic attacks when I even looked at a child and I couldn’t even be in the same shop at one – that bit , I can tell you does get easier, with lots of emotional hard work and pushing. Please pass my love onto Louise & John and please do keep reading and commenting and I’ll write back as much as I can x

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  4. Emma

    Your posts are always beautifully written and you always somehow manage to hit the nail on the head Leo is beautiful you must be so proud of your 2 beautiful children and it’s lovely to see the sparkle back in your eye all of which I’m sure is down to your rainbow baby sent with love From Millie take care you and Dan x x x

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  5. Lauren

    So it’s 01:21am and I am feeding my baby boy who is just turnt 8weeks old. I watched you on a Pride of Britain 2015 on Thursday!! You are one very special lady. I love your MIllies Trust site!! I love the giraffe logo really good idea. I have requested a fundraising pack and think I’m going to order the blue giraffe for my little boy!! Keep doing what your doing because somewhere someone out there is really benefitting from your site. Your an very inspirational person!!
    Love and hugs to you, Dan and baby Leo and of course your precious angel Millie xxx

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