I think mum’s who have lost a child experience a different type of Mother’s Day than other mums.
I personally,at the moment, don’t like Mother’s Day. As a mother of another child (Leo) who is now here with me today on Mother’s Day that is really hard for me to admit because society now deems me fit to enjoy it. Why shouldn’t I? I have a child to wake up to.
I really hope that other mums who are further down the line in a journey like mine can tell me that you can start to enjoy it again. I’m hoping that as Leo gets older and he starts to make me his own cards and presents and what he deems as breakfast 😀 that my smiles will become wider and much more genuine – but at the moment, it still hurts so much.
Today is a day for mothers to be celebrated, for mothers to enjoy being pampered but I just don’t enjoy it. I only got 1 Mother’s Day with Millie, so far I have had 4 without her and 2 with my lovely Leo. Last year I hadn’t long off had Leo and I was so emotional and tired that I know that I cried most of the day. Even though I think of Millie all the time and every day, somehow onMother’s Day all the feelings and thoughts go that little bit deeper and stay with me every second and every day, no matter what I’m doing.
We don’t go out to eat on Mother’s Day, I know I just wouldn’t enjoy it. I know that when I’m having an emotional day with my “miss” that I struggle the most around other people, in particular families with little girls of Millie’s age (what she should be now) and it’s easier and better for my mind to not put myself in that situation in the first place.
So of course, I received my very lovely cards and gifts from my children this morning which I loved but the rest of the day we have just chilled out really.
We went to visit Millie, which we do a lot anyway in normal life and certainly on special days like today and I am pretty sure a lot of mums who have lost children do also make this visit on Mother’s Day.
This is where we are different from mums who haven’t lost children …. It’s me that is giving my daughter flowers today and not the other way around like it should be. Tulips… Always Tulips because that is what I got as a gift from her on my only Mother’s Day (see photo below)
Today’s photo with Millie and her flowers is a lot different from this gorgeous photo of her in 2012…
Most people visiting the cemeteries today on Mother’s Day are there because they are visiting their mums that have sadly passed away and of course that is sad but it is the way of the universe and that is the way that life should be; daughter’s visiting mums that have passed away not mums visiting daughters or sons that have passed.
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I am pretty sure there won’t be many photos like this around today on Mother’s Day that you will see but I am showing you MY reality. I am showing you what unfortunately someone you know has probably been to do today whether they have told you or not. This is my photo of Mother’s Day today with my 2 children.
If you know a mum who has lost a child, just drop them a text right now and let them know you are thinking of them today. X
So for the rest of the afternoon, we had a little family walk with Rolo and then watched the Disney film INSIDE OUT. It was the first time that Leo has sat watching a film like this, albeit he only lasted 20 mins but it’s a good start – I can’t wait to have lazy Sunday afternoons with him and Dan watching Disney films.
If you haven’t seen it, it’s brilliant! It’s a film about all the emotions going on in a little girls head and how all the emotions work together (all the emotions are cartoon characters) – anyway if you haven’t had chance to catch it yet, it’s worth a watch!
Happy Mother’s Day to all the mums out there xxx
MESSAGE FROM LEO
My daddy says that he is running a very long way in April in memory of my favourite big sister Millie.
I’m not sure if it is or not, he says its 26 miles or something, I think he calls it the London Marathon!
Well, I’d like to use all my cuteness please to see if we can help my daddy raise some more pennies. I know he is working hard as he makes me wriggle and nearly wake up at 6am when he is going for runs (I like to sleep until at least 7am!)
Anyway, mummy says that you can use this link below to donate or you can text DANT01 £3 to 70070 to get him on his way.
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Love Leo xxx (and thank you 😀😀😀)”