Far from reality

It’s a tough one this weekend, it’s one of those weekends that we should be excited and nervous over but one that we cannot be involved in but we really should be.

On Monday, we should be finding out what primary school Millie would be going to. We should be finding out which amazing reception teacher she would be having for her first year in school. We should be planning where and when we are going to get her first school uniform and first school shoes from. For the record it would more than likely have been Lane End Primary school, Monkhouses and John Lewis. Always used to make me smile seeing kids getting measured for their school shoes in John Lewis.

Ironically too, the uniform that she should be wearing is near identical to the one that I wore in my school in Burnley when I started at my primary school 25 years ago.

These special dates get further apart, I’m sure I’ll feel the same when she should be starting secondary school/college/uni but I’m sure it will never get any easier. 

This missing piece in my heart is there everyday and the part has been shredded, stamped on, torn apart and disappeared never to be seen again and that hurts. 

I’m never going to see her school photos, the plaits in her hair, the dirty shoes, scabby knees or school reports … for those of you that are, enjoy every second, for those of you that are in the same boat as us, big hugs. 

Heartbreaking doesn’t even cover it, I’m dreading the actual say she should be starting in September. 

I think Leo will be getting even more cuddles over the next few days today, as he keeps me smiling when I’m sad. xxx

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