Six years …

Six years ago today Dan and I got engaged, just 5 months after we went on our first date. When you know it’s right, you know it’s right 😍. Just 4 months later (less than 9 months after our first date) we got married in the most gorgeous place in Seattle – we cannot wait to go back there one day.

This is just a little message to say, go with your own feelings. Many people had their own opinions about whether we were rushing things and even whether we would last… 6 years down the line and we are still standing and we’ve proven all those people wrong. 


Unfortunately many people split up after losing a child, their marriage cannot cope with it and we totally understand how it can get to that stage – I’m not going to lie, we got very close to it a few times after some huge rows but it all came down to the same thing – losing Millie and what it had done to us individually but we have stuck together and little Leo has been our rainbow to solidify everything again.

Do something for me. Always make sure that you are always happy, make your own decisions and don’t let other people’s opinions influence you – if we had, we might never have got married! 

Our 6 year anniversary is in September, so in just a few months and it’s another huge milestone for us … Every birthday, Christmas and anniversary is a massive achievement now for us. 

Look forward, not back and always be happy xxx

Judgement or no judgement ο»Ώ

Little dude has had a real rough time this week, one day he’s happy as Larry and we start to think that he’s all better and the following day he’s sneezing, snotty, coughing and feeling generally rough. It’s awful watching him like this; I get lots of extra cuddles though. He’s spent all day leaning on me and laying his head on my legs to rest … I do love the extra mummy cuddles but I’d rather he was all better. 

Thought I’d take him out for some fresh air earlier and then to the shops to get some toddler essentials, so I put his socks on and in his travel cot for a second whilst I got sorted. He clearly didn’t want his socks on because 5 seconds later this happened…  He does make me laugh though because he throws them out and looks at me with his arms open wide and an “oh” – as though he is shocked that they aren’t on his feet anymore πŸ˜€

He’s gone up to bed now with his tickley cough and his big sleepy eyes and I can hear him wriggling around trying to get comfortable – I’ll definitely be sneaking in later and having another cuddle before we go to bed. 

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Whilst out earlier getting our toddler essentials, Leo was ok until about half way through and then he started to get very unhappy. Cue a few piercing screams, some loud shouts and a Leo that thought that if he became a contortionist he would be able to escape from the trolley. Now, what always astounds me is the dirty looks from some people just because my child might be having a little tantrum (and believe me, this was little in comparison to some of the ones that he has at home – terrible twos have definitely come early πŸ˜‚).  

The thing is, children have tantrums and you cannot bow to their every demand can you? So many of you know just as much as we do, that sometimes you’ve just got to let them get on with it. I’m fully aware that one day Leo will have a full blown paddy on a shop floor somewhere or in a park full of other parents and children and I’m totally ready for it – one big reason why? Millie; because we never got to have the tantrums with her. 

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I know some parents may get a little embarrassed when their kids have tantrums and I totally understand why, but I? I can’t help but smile when Leo has them in public and laugh with people about them. I know in a few minutes, it will all be over and he’ll be trying to grab the bin bags out of the trolley to play with them or he’ll be trying to pull the sweets hanging on the sweet racks as I push the trolley past and he’ll soon be back to normal.

You see, I’m so extremely happy that I can take my son out with me (tantrums and all) and so extremely sad that I can’t my daughter out shopping with us too. This is exactly why I don’t mind Leo acting up sometimes, just like many other kids – because I never get to see Millie do it. 

So just a note to those minority people that give dirty looks to parents when their children are having a tantrum in the middle of Tesco like my little Leo today – the parent you’re eyeballing might be just like me, they might just be happy to have a child with them that can actually have a tantrum.

To all you lovely parents out there, I’m with you! Toddler tantrums and all – you’re all doing a fabulous job xxx

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Sometimes it is just so overwhelmingΒ 

We started a charity in Millie’s memory to ensure she had a legacy – we wanted something good to come out of something so horrendous after she passed away and I think we’ve pretty much done that. Millie’s legacy is long lasting and growing on a day to day basis – we never imagined our charity would be this successful.

In fact, some people told us that it would never work – how wrong we have proven them as it’s not what we needed to hear at the time. 

You know what the nicest thing is though, the support that we have not only for the charity, but as a family from you guys. 

Earlier this week, we hosted a fashion show at a local restaurant in what used to be our home town, Cheadle Hulme. We haven’t hosted an event like this so close to our old family home since we lost Millie, to be honest (and if you’ve followed our journey since the beginning) you will know that we sold up and moved to a different village and I refused to even drive through the town for a good 3 years after we lost Millie – just because it was too painful. I don’t even go there much now, but I don’t make excuses not to go there anymore like I used to. The biggest reason being that the sign for the place where Millie passed away is right on the main road that the town runs through and in all honestly, I cannot stand seeing it, it makes me feel physically sick when I see it and it makes me tremble – so sometimes it is easier to avoid. ( I hope my old psychologist isn’t reading this – avoidance was my weakness) 

So back to the event this week. As you can imagine, it’s quite emotional for Dan and I to be round the corner from where we used to live with Millie but I think we did OK. 

The most fascinating thing of the evening for me? The people. This room was full of people from all walks of life that were all sat there enjoying themselves because of Millie – and all from different times and places in our life.

Millie has brought some people back into our lives that we had lost touch with before, friends and family who were in the room. There were people in the room that give us amazing business support for the charity but whom have become genuine friends to us (crazy balloon lady, you know I’m taking about you). People who have worked in our office that still come out to support with their family and friends. Online friends who I met whilst pregnant with Millie still actively chat to now (yes, legends, that was your shoutout 😍)Brand new friends who we have only met through them attending our events, but who we see consistently supporting us and new people we meet that our brand new to us – which is always lovely. Then we have people who we know support us because they have lost their own children and they either connect with the charity or Dan and I as grieving parents.

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Don’t get me wrong, we have unfortunately lost friends and family or may not be as close to them as we used to be along our journey; mostly due to lack of understanding of our situation and our new life or because we frighten them. I know that can sound extremely strange – but we do frighten some people, the people who don’t know what to say or how to act around us, but that’s okay – everyone is different. 

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What I am saying is, is that every single one of you make a difference to our family. Whether we see you at an event, you donate, offer a service, comment on line, support our campaigns or purely just offer kind words – you all make a massive difference and we want to thank you for that. 

One of the nicest comments that I saw after the event this week was that it was lovely to see all 3 of use out as a family at our event because yes, we took Leo with us as if both of us are needed, you don’t just get 2, you get 3 of us! (Still haven’t left Leo yet since POB) He hasn’t been to an evening event for a while with us – he spent most of the evening wanting to run out – I had to grab him to stop him tripping the models up, hah! I am sure they would have loved me if I’d’ve let that happen! πŸ˜‚ For all those that are wandering though, he slept for a good 10 hours that evening.

For the record, this is how beautiful the models looked. (See pic below) 

(Photograph credit: Modiste)

Going back to friends from all over supporting us – I’ll use this photograph as an example

Our models from this evening in this photo above  included, people who have donated prizes previously and now actively volunteer in other ways, John Lewis Golden Jubilee helper and her lovely friend, regular helpers, a paramedic, trustee and her daughter, an ex colleague of ours from when we worked at EC Harris, hairdressing business support, one of my online baby legends – you see what I mean, a random group of lovely people all connected by one gorgeous little baby Millie – it’s amazing what she has done and how many amazing and genuine friends she has given us since we lost her. 

I think Leo’s favourite part of the evening was hanging out with the models in their changing area πŸ˜‚ definitely some memories for his 18th there! 

So this blog is to you guys, to everyone that has supported us in anyway, to everyone who has stopped us in the street to tell us how we have helped them or why they think we are fab and to everyone who has shared their own story with us – Thank you, love from all 4 of us (and Rolo of course) 

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Millie’s Trust Ball is our next BIG event – support us a business or come along on the evening. Click here for early details, more coming soon

If you would like a table of 10 for Β£450, or individual tickets at Β£50 please contact ASAP as bookings are now being taken. 

Little boy man

This week has totally been an eye opener for us, I’ve just suddenly realised that Leo isn’t an ‘ickle’ baby any more – he’s a proper little boy .. look at him, he’s packed and ready to leave home and everything here …

This last few weeks, he’s turned into this real little boy (and I believe that he has started his tantrums a little too early – full blown tantrums throwing himself on the floor, hmm) 

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He’s saying a few words now; mama, dada, gone, car, Rolo (of course he was going to say the dog’s name as one of his first words – Dan and I are always saying it πŸ˜€).  I love how he has learnt to say them at the correct time, gone is my favourite – because he says it and sounds so shocked that his food is actually gone 😘. 

He’s off walking around on his own now and trying to escape at every chance that he gets – there’s no stopping him, he is so fast! 

Check out this clip here of him when he was out on some grass on a day out recently – CLICK HERE , he certainly loves the freedom.

I found it really sad last week when he totally didn’t want any hugs from me but you guys were right and he was soon back giving me mummy cuddles 😘

Leo is 15 months old in a week and I still can’t believe that time has gone so fast since he was born.

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Our favourite time of the week is still Messy Monkeys though – we keep signing up and going back for more, he absolutely loves it and if you sing the Messy Monkeys song to him, he grins his head off 😁.  I love how messy he gets! 

Photo credit: Messy Monkeys – Facebook

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We’ve also conquered “The Dunk” last week – that’s the dunking underwater at swimming action πŸ˜‚.

I take Leo swimming on my own most weeks, sometimes twice a week and he loves it but so far I’ve been reluctant (scared) to dunk him under – I felt mean. I was debating whether to book him in for baby swimming lesson type things, but I saw a class taking place and just decided that it wasn’t me for me – and that was it, DUNK!!! Leo was totally shocked but then laughed and now he’s done it lots and it doesn’t bother him at all! 

I don’t have many fears – in fact, if I do, I always try to conquer them anyway! That’s why I was so keen to dunk – I don’t want my fears rubbing off on him πŸ˜€

Pretty sure the lady in the pool thought I was a mean mummy though – ah well, can’t win them all πŸ˜‰.

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Click here for our most recent update on Millie’s Mark – May 2016

To eat or not to eat (outside that is)Β 

As many of you know I have had “issues” with Leo eating because of what happened to Millie – to be honest, it petrified the life out of me and we didn’t start to wean him for a long time after we should’ve done really but now things have changed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still petrified now but I now understand that Leo has to learn to eat like a normal child.

Since the beginning of this year, Leo has been broadening his horizons with regards to what he eats and we are doing good now – but the one thing that had me stuck was him eating outside the house.

At home, (you might think I’m a  crazy lady here) but Leo sits in his high chair and the tv is off, the curtains are closed and there’s no noise (even the dog knows to behave at this point) – it’s the only way I can do it, absolutely no distraction – just Leo and I sitting together. I don’t take my eyes off him for a second if he is chewing and I’m teaching him to open his mouth to show me that it’s empty – he’s actually learning really fast, he pushes our hand away if he is still eating if we try to feed him something else and he hasn’t quite finished what is in his mouth.

Up until about four weeks ago though, I refused to let him eat outside the house, which meant that we had to plan trips out around his mealtimes or I would rush back home to feed him if he was grumpy for food or I would give him milk –  as you can imagine, this hasn’t been easy and we needed something to happen to stop this. 

Then we had a few days away with friends. Up until this point, I hadn’t even fed Leo in front of anyone – I didn’t even tell some of our closest friends that whilst we were away as I didn’t want a big deal making out of it … And it worked!!! 

We were away and we had to feed him, we had no choice. We could have reverted back to milk – but that wasn’t fair on him.

So here he is, Leo eating outside of the house! 

Chiquito – Manchester 

March Hare – Cheadle 

Having his first afternoon tea with mummy and friends! 

I’m the same when Leo eats outside the house, if Leo is eating only one of either Dan or myself is eating .. Not both, this way – one of us is totally concentrating on him. I know that this cannot (and will not) last this way forever but right now it is what enables Leo to eat outside, if not, we’d be back at the stage we were a couple of months ago and I don’t want to be there.

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Leo absolutely loves his food, so much so, that he screams the place down for a good minute when he has finished his meal and don’t ever say the words “all gone”  to him or you will have had it! πŸ˜‚

As you can see in the photo below, Leo cannot take his eyes off people eating now – especially when eating yoghurts, just like the lovely Maisie that he was playing with at the time this photo was taken. (Check out the one shoe/one sock cool stance 😍) 

Everytime Leo takes a mouthful of food or drink – it sends shivers down my spine, I feel sick and I actually shake inside, I can feel it.

Sometimes I cry, if he’s eating something that Millie liked and some days I just can’t cope with it and Dan will feed him all day – we do it between us and it’s working.



Flipping heck, I’m sat here crying now even thinking about it all.

Even this weekend, I let a friend of ours give him a piece of fruit whilst I was holding him on a day out – this has not happened before and it only happened because it was spontaneous, if it was planned – I probably wouldn’t have let him have it (thanks Kelly πŸ˜€, you’re only just finding that out now πŸ˜€) 

We get quite a few messages in from mums who are scared to start weaning their babies and I always say to them, just take it slowly and at your own pace and go on a paediatric first aid course to make sure that you are ready to deal with the worst of it ever happens.

Moral of this blog: 

I’ve dealt with a massive hurdle here and I deal with it every day, but guess what? 

I’m still here xx

Image Credit:’t-kill-you-makes-you-stronger

Click here for my previous blog “You can do it”