Nearly there again

You know when something is driving you completely crazy and you just cannot get it out of your mind? I’m feeling a little like that at the moment and the emotions my head are going

You know when something is driving you completely crazy and you just cannot get it out of your mind? I’m feeling a little like that at the moment and the emotions my head are going through are absolutely heartbreaking.

Asher is 8 months old

Millie passed away at 9 months.

This is totally messing with me at the moment. I keep spontaneously bursting into tears at random reminders.

I struggled a lot when Leo was the same age but this time I have realised that I am struggling even more and I think that it might be because Asher looks so much more like Millie than Leo ever did.

Sometimes I look at him and it’s like having Millie sat in front of me, it’s the strangest feeling ever.

Millie was 286 days old when she passed away… we just need to get passed that many days and I know I will start to feel a little better. I know exactly what date Asher’s 287th day will be; I know, I sound like a crazy lady but I worked it out when he was born and then haven’t really thought about it until he turned 8 months old a couple of weeks ago.

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I know it sounds ridiculous but it’s like a barrier for me, a wall that I need to break us through.

I think I’m doing okay and then something starts to niggle at me and I can’t work it out. Then bang, there it is – the answer that has taken me a while to figure out and this is what has happened over the last few days, it’s hit me like a brick wall.

I’ve gotten through these feelings and mixed up emotions once before with Leo – this time, I can see that there will be a positive outcome at the end and I’m glad that this time I can see past that date.

I’d love to know your feelings about how you dealt with this with your children, how you got passed that milestone with your younger children when an older child had passed away, maybe I won’t feel as nuts as I do reading about your journeys xxx

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