Dear Millie 

Dear Millie,

     At 8.32pm 4 years ago today you came into this world after I had spent most of my labour reading Alan Sugar’s autobiography as a distraction and darling you absolutely changed our lives forever, you truly showed us what it is to love. Just 9 months later, this world cruelly took you from us. 
 
TEXT MILL04 £4 to 70070 to support Millie’s Trust on Millie’s 4th Birthday (£4 can be changed to anything between £1 and £10)
I cherish every moment that we got to spend with you, I have every smile and every little giggle locked away in special little box in my head that when it is silent and peaceful, I can tune into it and I can hear you, I can Millie, I can really hear you giggle.
You taught me how to be a mum, you showed me how much love was inside me that I never knew that I had, you taught me never to be scared of anything new.

When I became your mum, the minute I found out I was pregnant, you changed my life. The thought of being a mum absolutely petrified me but when you came along you taught me that yes it could be scary, but also that it could be so much fun. 

We told you all about the world and where we wanted to take you as you grew up, we wondered what you were going to be when you were older and whether you would go to ballet (pretty sure that you wouldn’t have done) or whether you would have preferred karate or street dance (pretty sure that you would have preferred this as your alternative) 

We had started talking about your first birthday and what we could and even chose the main present (a trike) that we were going to get you …. WHAM…You were taken, you left this world a lot more quickly than it took you to enter it and we didn’t get a second of a warning that our world was going to be turned upside down and smashed into tiny little pieces. 

Today, we have had our lovely friend Jay, create some very special balloons for your  birthday but for you resting place because  we aren’t going to get to see you play with them.

Instead of wrapping up your dollies, pretend pram and, you know what, that’s the problem, right now, I don’t even know what a 4 year old little girl gets for her birthday, I’m just guessing because I know you’ve seen what we bought you for your birthday, flowers – bloody flowers. 

What parent wants to buy their 4 year old daughter a bouquet of flowers for their birthday? I’ll tell you which ones … Absolutely none of them but it’s the only thing that seems suitable for your sleeping place, one of the only things that can brighten the place up, for a few days, until they die because of the weather and then we have to keep buying more because it is the only thing that we can do for you, keep your sleeping place looking as pretty as we can. 

We would do anything to have you back in our lives Millie, to let you meet your little brother Leo and play on the living room floor together and watch you argue like brothers and sisters are meant to. But we can’t, there is nothing we can do – there’s absolutely nothing that we can do to change this or what has happened.

 
What I want you to know Millie though is that every year we will be there, we will be at your resting place with flowers and more balloons and your little brother Leo wishing you a happy birthday and sending kisses to the clouds and we’ll be there again on your birthday evening to look up to the stars and wish you good night and we really hope that you feel the love that we have for you and feel the miss that we have in our hearts for you. 

We love you more and more everyday and cherish the moments that we had. 

Happy 4th Birthday our sweet little girl,

Love mummy & daddy xxx

TEXT MILL04 £4 to 70070 to support Millie’s Trust on Millie’s 4th Birthday (£4 can be changed to anything between £1 and £10)
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4 thoughts on “Dear Millie 

  1. Becky

    You are both so strong, its my little girls birthday next month and the thought of not having her with me would destroy me, but I read your blogs and follow you on Facebook, and you really are an inspiration. When you first started your Facebook page, you use to put videos up as you had not started the training then, and I watched them all, then a few days before my girls birthday she started choking, I remember the videos and did the back slaps and poof it came out. I really believe that thanks to you and your amazing charity is the reason my little girl is here today. Thank-you for all you do, millie would be so proud of you all xxx

    Happy birthday millie x

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  2. Jen

    Happy Birthday Millie. Another heartbreakingly honest post. Millie- you make me a better mummy, when things are hard, or im wishing the day away, I think of you and your family and I thank the stars that we are the lucky ones. You are the reason i hold my little girl for those extra few minutes at bedtime. You are the reason I don’t complain about being wakened at 3am. sleep tight precious angel xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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