Finally … I went to Tesco …..

Today I did something that I thought was impossible …
I went to TESCO Handforth Dean … Some of you may not understand why this is a a landmark day for me doing this …many of you will understand … 27 months I have avoided this place and I knew I would get there … Eventually and on the right day for me. Today was that day
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’ll be spending 2 hours doing my weekly shop anytime soon … But I was in there for about 15 minutes and guess what, I didn’t spontaneously combust, grow horns on my head or fall into a heap on the floor… I was jittery, I was sweating, i had to stop myself from crying … I will apologise now to anyone that I may have seen in there that wanted to speak to me as I was in auto mode , wanting to get what I needed and get out of there … Gripping the pram ( yes I took Leo with me ) probably tighter than I should’ve been and picked up what I needed , sun cream and a hat for Leo, a magazine for me and a couple of other bits – I did contemplate rewarding myself with a Krispy Kreme … But in my head it would’ve taken too long to pick one and put it in a packet – so I chickened out of that
So there it is 27 months from one of the biggest panic attacks I had after losing Millie, many many many sessions and amazing help from my Psychologist, lots of mindfulness , thousands of tears, tons of anger at myself for feeling an absolute idiot for not being able to step foot in my local superstore or even drive past at one stage … I did it … One of my biggest fears …

I must admit, I came out and got in my car and absolutely cried my eyes out, a mixture of grief and relief I think and all I wanted to do was come home.

There you have it. Mental health problems don’t have to keep your down or hold your back, work hard , focus on the now and it will get better x

To do what seems the impossible is always possible , at the right time x

Joanne xxx

7 thoughts on “Finally … I went to Tesco …..

  1. Emma

    Keep blogging Joanne, i will be following you and can’t wait to hear your next instalment. I am a mother of 2 and I can’t comprehend losing child, you have travelled such a horrific journey with courage and hope. Love to you all x

    Liked by 1 person

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  2. Sarah

    this is amazing. A frank insight into something which I know only too well. A huge achievement for you well done 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

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  3. Diane Rlberts

    Hi Joanne
    Reading your post has made me realise that i am not alone. I lost my 13 year old daughter in March 2014 (she would be 15now) It was a very sudden illness. I can’t go into my local Tesco store or any other large store for that matter on my own. I feel panic rising just thinking a out doing it. I can go in with my son who is now 13 or my husband but the thought of going alone, is, well, it’s just not going to happen any time soon.

    Please keep writing your blog, you’re such an inspiration to other parents who have lost a child.
    Diane xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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